Divorce and American Life
by Dr. Phil Stringer (Florida)
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and
shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis
2:24)
* * *
In the first generation after World War II, more than 80% of all
children grew up in a family with two biological parents married to each
other. By 1980, that number had dropped to 50%. By 1990, the same figure
had dropped to 40%.
Two main trends account for the change:
• births out of wedlock, and
• divorce
The impact on American society has been overwhelming. More than 70%
of juveniles in reform schools come from homes where the biological
father does not reside. Single-parent families are six times more likely
to live in poverty. A 1988 survey by the National Center for Health
Statistics found that children in single-parent families are two to
three times more likely than children in two-parent families to have
emotional and behavioral problems. Also in 1988, it was determined that
12 million children under the age of 18 were living with a divorced
parent.
DAN QUAYLE WAS RIGHT
In a now famous article entitled "Dan Quayle Was Right"
(April, 1993 issue of Atlantic Monthly), Barbara Dafoe Whitehead wrote:
Across time and across cultures, family disruption has been
regarded as an event that threatens a child’s well-being and even
survival. This view is rooted in a fundamental biological fact: unlike
the young of almost any other species, the human child is born in an
abjectly helpless and immature state. Years of nurture and protection
are needed before the child can achieve physical independence.
Similarly, it takes years of interaction with at least one but ideally
two or more adults for a child to develop into a socially competent
adult. Children raised in virtual isolation from human beings, though
physically intact, display few recognizably human behaviors. The
social arrangement that has proved most successful in ensuring the
physical survival and promoting the social development of the child is
the family unit of the biological mother and father. Consequently, any
event that permanently denies a child the presence and protection of a
parent jeopardizes the life of the child.
Because of this, the American culture originally discouraged all
forms of family disruption. Separation, divorce, out-of-wedlock births,
homosexual marriages, and open marriages were vigorously discouraged by
religious, social, and legal sanctions. Divorce was considered a failure
and was discouraged. Only 11% of the children born in the 1950's and the
early 1960's could expect to see their parents divorce by the time they
were age 18. Divorce happened, but it was not normal! However, family
disruptions through divorce (and other factors) have become common. This
creates a number of challenges for families.
EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN
One of the major concepts that has to be evaluated is the concept of
step-parents. Over 25% of America’s young people will deal with a
step-parent sometime before they are 18.
Those who wish to destroy America’s historic Christian culture have
sought to make divorce acceptable (just as they have done concerning
single parenthood). A book on divorce from the 1940's said,
"Children are entitled to the affection and association of two
parents -- not one." This reflects the Biblical ideal. A 1970's
book on divorce reads, "A two-parent home is not the only emotional
structure within which a child can be happy and healthy . . . The
parents who take care of themselves will best be able to take care of
their children." While God promises special help to Godly widows
and orphans, the two-parent home is always presented as the ideal. Those
who resent Christianity want to promote single-parenthood as equally
ideal.
All over America selfish parents are divorcing their mates and
quoting the politically correct myth, "Children always bounce back
after divorce." This myth is just another example of the vain
deceit of the Culture War. Where does this idea come from? There is no
polling data to suggest this (in fact, one survey indicates that only
33% of young people from broken homes felt that they were not
significantly impacted by their parents divorce). Even the most casual
observation of children from divorced homes will note that often (though
not always) they suffer from serious emotional problems. While this myth
may provide a convenient excuse for thoughtless parents, it has no
foundation in reality.
Increasingly, the media attacks the concept of the historic family.
Pop therapist John Bradshaw insists that 96% of all families are
dysfunctional. Author Stephanie Coontz wrote in The Way We Never Were:
American Families and the Nostalgia Trip that life for married mothers
in the 1950's was "booze, bowling, bridge, and boredom." The
Hallmark greeting cards company sells cards congratulating individuals
on becoming divorced.
Children suffer from the social structure of divorce. Not only do
they lose time and contact with the absent parent, but often the
custodial parent is forced into situations which allow less time with
the child.
DIVORCE AND ECONOMICS
Economically, divorce creates many poverty situations for both
children and parents. Half the single mothers in the United States live
below the poverty line. Only ten percent of married mothers find
themselves in the same situation. Most families simply do not have
enough income to maintain two separate homes and lifestyles. Not only
does this create immediate poverty situations, it often creates cycles
of poverty. Whitehead writes:
Single-mother families are vulnerable not just to poverty but to a
particularly debilitating form of poverty: welfare dependency. The
dependency takes two forms: First, single mothers, particularly unwed
mothers, stay on welfare longer than other welfare recipients. Of
those never-married mothers who receive welfare benefits, almost 40
percent remain on the rolls for ten years or longer. Second, welfare
dependency tends to be passed on from one generation to the next.
McLanahan says, "Evidence of intergenerational poverty indicated
that, indeed, offspring from [single-mother] families are for more
likely to be poor and to form mother-only families than are offspring
who live with two parents most of their pre-adult life." Nor is
the intergenerational impact of single motherhood limited to
African-Americans, as many people seem to believe. Among white
families, daughters of single parents are 53 percent more likely to
marry as teenagers, 111 percent more likely to have children as
teenagers, 164-percent more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92
percent more likely to dissolve their own marriages. All these
intergenerational consequences of single motherhood increase the
likelihood of chronic welfare dependency.
In fact over one-half of the increase in child poverty in America is
related to the increase of divorce in America (study by David Eggebeen
and Daniel Lichter of Pennsylvania State University). According to
sociologist Lenore Weitzman:
Even if single mothers escape poverty, economic uncertainty remains
a condition of life. Divorce brings a reduction in income and standard
of living for the vast majority of single mothers. One study, for
example, found that income for mothers and children declines on
average about 30 percent, while fathers experience a 10 to 15 percent
increase in income in the year following a separation. Things get even
more difficult when fathers fail to meet their child-support
obligations. As a result, many divorced mothers experience a wearing
uncertainty about the family budget: whether the check will come in or
not; whether new sneakers can be bought this month or not; whether the
electric bill will be paid on time or not. Uncertainty about money
triggers other kinds of uncertainty. Mothers and children often have
to move to cheaper housing after a divorce. One study shows that about
38 percent of divorced mothers and their children move during the
first year after a divorce. Even several years later the rate of moves
for single mothers is about a third higher than the rate for
two-parent families. It is also common for a mother to change her job
or increase her working hours or both following a divorce. Even the
composition of the household is likely to change, with other adults,
such as boyfriends or babysitters, moving in and out.
Judith Wallerstein began researching the long-term effects of divorce
on children in 1971. At that time most experts were promoting the
"Children always bounce back" myth. Her conclusions
demonstrated otherwise. She wrote, "Divorce is deceptive. Legally
it is a single event, but psychologically it is a chain -- sometimes a
never-ending chain -- of events, relocations, and radically shifting
relationships strung through time, a process that forever changes the
lives of the people involved." Wallerstein’s study and others
conclude that children often react to divorce with guilt, insecurity,
anger, and depression. Novelist Pat Conroy has written, ". . . each
divorce is the death of a small civilization."
Christians should not allow themselves to be influenced by the
Cultural War attack on marriage or the growing cultural acceptance of
divorce. God’s ideal is for marriage to be a permanent union involving
one man and one woman for life. Careful loyalty to Bible teaching about
marriage (by both partners) will prevent divorce. Christians should not
seek to add to the pressures faced by those who have gone through
divorce. Those who have been divorced should dedicate themselves to
living the rest of their lives in God’s will.
Children of divorce should not despair because they face special
challenges. They should face the fact that there are issues that they
must address in their own lives. They must protect themselves from
bitterness by forgiving their parents who have been divorced. They
should examine the influence of the divorce on their lives and be
careful to respond to each challenge Biblically.
Those how have attacked the Christian concept of marriage have not
done anyone a favor: not the husbands and fathers who have been freed
from responsibility, not the wives and mothers who have gained
responsibility, and certainly not the children who have been deprived of
the traditional Christian family.
Dr. Phil Stringer is Executive Vice President of
Landmark Baptist College, Haines City, Florida
